As a Counselor, I am mainly trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is not a rarity in the mental health world. I did my training many moons ago and since then have added some additional facets to the work that I do. If you have had any type of conversation with me about this, you’ve probably heard me talk about Unconditional Positive Regard. Which sounds lovely, but what exactly is it? Unconditional Positive Regard is a cornerstone of the work done by Carl Rogers and is part of Rogerian Therapy, also called Person Centered or Client Centered Therapy. It does not mean that I like everything about everyone and think every choice humans make is wonderful. Even I’m not quite that forgiving. What it means is that regardless of the actions and behaviors people choose, I will regard them and their humanity unconditionally as inherently worthy of love and acceptance. It goes beyond seeing people as good or bad or somewhere in between those ideas, and to a place where people I work with (hopefully) know that they are accepted and supported by me no matter what.

Other than spoiling people rotten and telling them how wonderful they are, what is the point of this concept? The idea is that if I create an environment where you always feel accepted and supported for who you are, flaws and all, you will feel that the therapeutic relationship is one that is positive and can be trusted. And if the relationship and the experience feels positive and trustworthy, odds are you will start to come to terms with and start to face down some of the things you are feeling not-so-great about because you know you will not be judged. And then in turn, since I have now modeled for you how to accept and support your pain/shame/whatever, the hope is that you will also be able to mimic that and treat yourself with unconditional positive regard moving forward.

Make sense?

Thinking back to an experience or a feeling you don’t feel great about, is there a way that you can use the concept of unconditional positive regard to support and accept yourself? Is it hard for you to do this and if so why do you think that is? Have you already caught yourself mimicking me and reframing your thoughts to be kinder to yourself? If so, in what areas of your process have you noticed that?

This journal prompt is also a mindfulness practice that I’ve done many times over the years with people and in general it’s a good one to practice, especially this time of year when we might be feeling a bit chaotic and saturated with all of our responsibilities. It’s called Kind Thoughts. The goal is to try and do this practice maybe 2-3 times during the week and then journal about your experience. If you want to journal before trying it and then again afterwards, that’s a great idea too. Do whatever works for you.

Sit on the floor or a chair in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Pretend in your mind that someone you care about very much walks into the room and sits right next to you. Notice what it feels like to sit with this person and how they make you feel. Let's send this person some good wishes and kind thoughts. Let's send them happiness, health, safety, and kindness. How does it feel to send these wishes to this person? Was it easy to do or hard to do?

Now let's imagine in our mind that someone who we find a little bit annoying or frustrating walks into the room and sits next to you. Notice what it feels like to sit with this person and how they make you feel. Let's send this person some good wishes and kind thoughts. Let's send them happiness, health, safety, and kindness. How does it feel to send these wishes to this person? Was it easy to do or hard to do? Was it different when it was someone we didn’t feel as positively about?

Now let's imagine in our mind that we are sitting in front of a mirror. Imagine opening your eyes and looking at yourself in the mirror. Notice what it feels like to sit with yourself and how you feel about yourself. Let's send ourselves some good wishes and kind thoughts. Let’s send happiness, health, safety, and kindness. How does it feel to send these wishes to ourselves? Was it easy or hard to do? Was it different than when it was to someone else?

Notice how you feel after sending all these wishes out and take a few deep breaths and then gently open your eyes.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you be peaceful.

May you be safe.