Journal Prompt: Unconditional Positive Regard
As a Counselor, I am mainly trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is not a rarity in the mental health world. I did my training many moons ago and since then have added some additional facets to the work that I do. If you have had any type of conversation with me about this, you’ve probably heard me talk about Unconditional Positive Regard. Which sounds lovely, but what exactly is it? Unconditional Positive Regard is a cornerstone of the work done by Carl Rogers and is part of Rogerian Therapy, also called Person Centered or Client Centered Therapy. It does not mean that I like everything about everyone and think every choice humans make is wonderful. Even I’m not quite that forgiving. What it means is that regardless of the actions and behaviors people choose, I will regard them and their humanity unconditionally as inherently worthy of love and acceptance. It goes beyond seeing people as good or bad or somewhere in between those ideas, and to a place where people I work with (hopefully) know that they are accepted and supported by me no matter what.
Other than spoiling people rotten and telling them how wonderful they are, what is the point of this concept? The idea is that if I create an environment where you always feel accepted and supported for who you are, flaws and all, you will feel that the therapeutic relationship is one that is positive and can be trusted. And if the relationship and the experience feels positive and trustworthy, odds are you will start to come to terms with and start to face down some of the things you are feeling not-so-great about because you know you will not be judged. And then in turn, since I have now modeled for you how to accept and support your pain/shame/whatever, the hope is that you will also be able to mimic that and treat yourself with unconditional positive regard moving forward.
Make sense?
Thinking back to an experience or a feeling you don’t feel great about, is there a way that you can use the concept of unconditional positive regard to support and accept yourself? Is it hard for you to do this and if so why do you think that is? Have you already caught yourself mimicking me and reframing your thoughts to be kinder to yourself? If so, in what areas of your process have you noticed that?
Journal Prompt: Removing the Word "Should" and it's Correlation to Shame
Many people think they “should” be good at something. Whether it’s having patience, or strong communication skills, or better professional skills, there seems to be this idea that there is a benchmark for each stage in our life in regards to abilities, and yet these benchmarks are created internally. Almost as if we are failing at something while still learning, and then being harsh with ourselves as a result.
One of the things I like about yoga (no, I’m not a yoga pusher, I think it’s wonderful for me but I understand it’s not for everyone) is that you are never truly a “yoga master” or “good at yoga”. You are continually in a state of learning. It’s called a “yoga practice” because you are always within your learning process and developing at your own pace. It’s not a competition, the only thing that matters is what is happening on your own yoga mat.
Using the concepts of “practice” and “learning process”, can you think of spaces in your life where you are judging yourself harshly based on either an internal benchmark or comparisons with other people and what they are doing? Can you take a moment to look at what those internal benchmarks are really doing for you and allow yourself to remember that you are still in your learning process? What would it feel like to allow yourself to learn rather then expect yourself to know things right off the bat and then judge yourself for it?