As a Counselor, I am mainly trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is not a rarity in the mental health world. I did my training many moons ago and since then have added some additional facets to the work that I do. If you have had any type of conversation with me about this, you’ve probably heard me talk about Unconditional Positive Regard. Which sounds lovely, but what exactly is it? Unconditional Positive Regard is a cornerstone of the work done by Carl Rogers and is part of Rogerian Therapy, also called Person Centered or Client Centered Therapy. It does not mean that I like everything about everyone and think every choice humans make is wonderful. Even I’m not quite that forgiving. What it means is that regardless of the actions and behaviors people choose, I will regard them and their humanity unconditionally as inherently worthy of love and acceptance. It goes beyond seeing people as good or bad or somewhere in between those ideas, and to a place where people I work with (hopefully) know that they are accepted and supported by me no matter what.
Other than spoiling people rotten and telling them how wonderful they are, what is the point of this concept? The idea is that if I create an environment where you always feel accepted and supported for who you are, flaws and all, you will feel that the therapeutic relationship is one that is positive and can be trusted. And if the relationship and the experience feels positive and trustworthy, odds are you will start to come to terms with and start to face down some of the things you are feeling not-so-great about because you know you will not be judged. And then in turn, since I have now modeled for you how to accept and support your pain/shame/whatever, the hope is that you will also be able to mimic that and treat yourself with unconditional positive regard moving forward.
Make sense?
Thinking back to an experience or a feeling you don’t feel great about, is there a way that you can use the concept of unconditional positive regard to support and accept yourself? Is it hard for you to do this and if so why do you think that is? Have you already caught yourself mimicking me and reframing your thoughts to be kinder to yourself? If so, in what areas of your process have you noticed that?