Journal Prompt: Removing the Word "Should" and it's Correlation to Shame

Many people think they “should” be good at something.  Whether it’s having patience, or strong communication skills, or better professional skills, there seems to be this idea that there is a benchmark for each stage in our life in regards to abilities, and yet these benchmarks are created internally.  Almost as if we are failing at something while still learning, and then being harsh with ourselves as a result.

One of the things I like about yoga (no, I’m not a yoga pusher, I think it’s wonderful for me but I understand it’s not for everyone) is that you are never truly a “yoga master” or “good at yoga”.  You are continually in a state of learning.  It’s called a “yoga practice” because you are always within your learning process and developing at your own pace.  It’s not a competition, the only thing that matters is what is happening on your own yoga mat.  

Using the concepts of “practice” and “learning process”, can you think of spaces in your life where you are judging yourself harshly based on either an internal benchmark or comparisons with other people and what they are doing?  Can you take a moment to look at what those internal benchmarks are really doing for you and allow yourself to remember that you are still in your learning process?  What would it feel like to allow yourself to learn rather then expect yourself to know things right off the bat and then judge yourself for it?

Journal Prompt: A Deeper Look At Resiliency

I want you to focus on resilience and how it impacts different aspects of your life.  People often use the term resiliency when discussing someone who has experienced something traumatic or challenging and yet appears to have come through the experience unscathed.  Almost as if their inner and organic quality of being a resilient person is what allowed them to avoid any impact from the trauma.  We say things like “Well, her house burned down and her dog ran away and her best friend moved across the country, but she seems fine” as if this woman is so strong that she can sustain these experiences unscatehd due to her resilient nature. 

That is certainly one way to see it, but according to The Merriam Webster Dictionary, it is defined as “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.”

Recover from or adjust easily.  That little phrase right there is the meat of this concept.  Resiliency does not mean that challenges have no impact on us, it means that when we are impacted by challenges, we can bounce back or adjust course to suit the new situation we find ourselves in.  It means that after her house burned down, she found a new place to live and understands fire safety in more detail now, but doesn’t stay up all night in fear of another fire.  Or that her dog did run away, but she made a concerted effort to find him by posting on social media and hanging flyers until he was located.  And that her friend did move away, but they were able to maintain their connection via technology and planned a few trips to see each other next year.  It’s not that she is unscathed from these experiences, it’s simply that she was able to pivot and recover from each in a way that made moving along in life accessible.  I think the word “easily” throws a bit of a wrench in the whole concept, but it can be subjective and what is easy for someone else might feel differently to you.

Taking this definition of resiliency, are there areas in your life that maybe you didn’t give yourself enough credit for at the time?  Maybe you don’t view yourself as resilient but upon further thought, you realize you do in fact have situations that were challenging for you and that you navigated through by recovering and adjusting to your new normal.  Everyone on this planet recently navigated a global pandemic, and regardless of what your experience with it was or how you feel now two years after it started, the fact remains that somehow you did in fact pivot your life a bit to deal with the changes and challenges it presented.  Would you view your resiliency as growing during this time or being tested in new ways where you found yourself struggling more?  Take a few moments to ponder your own resiliency and how you have recovered and adjusted at various points in your life. 

Journal Prompt: Finding Connection When We Feel Disconnected

People often report feeling disconnected from their lives, whether that means from their friends, family, community, or even themselves. It is always a good time to think about your connections and are they serving you in ways you currently need?  It’s possible some of these connections are more in line with who you were in a previous phase of your life and at this time you can let them go.  Or it may seem as if you need to pull some of your connections a bit closer.  Take a moment to think about your feelings and how they impact your friendships and day to day life, it can also be productive to start thinking about whether you feel connected to the ways in which you spend your days.  

In order to start looking at some of those connections in a way that is more aligned with who you are now, as opposed to who we may have been just a few years ago, I think it might help to first navigate through the thought process of connecting to ourselves.  Read through the list of questions and as you do, which are easy to answer and which are more challenging?  Are there any that you would answer differently now as opposed to pre-pandemic?  Take a few moments to see if some of these questions hold more weight in your life now that you would have anticipated.  

What are some ways I can connect to my environment?

What are some ways I can connect to my community?

What are some ways I can connect to my close friends and family?

Name a time I felt very connected to other people.

When was a time that I felt left out?

What can I do if I feel disconnected to others or left out?

What does it feel like when I’m connected to a group of people?

What types of connections am I looking for now?

How am I connected to my peers at work/school?