How to Handle Friendships when you have Anxiety

Lets explore a little bit about friendship anxiety, which is somewhat related to Social Anxiety, what that means, and how it can impact relationships. Friendships are an essential aspect of our lives, providing support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. However, for some individuals, the concept of friendship can be accompanied by a sense of anxiety known as friendship anxiety. Friendship anxiety in a nutshell is the fear, worry, or unease experienced in social interactions and the maintenance of friendships. It can manifest as an overwhelming concern about being judged, rejected, or not living up to the expectations of others. This type of anxiety can significantly impact relationships, leading to avoidance, self-doubt, and strained connections. 

Friendship anxiety can take a toll on relationships and mental health in various ways. Firstly, individuals with friendship anxiety may hesitate to initiate or maintain new friendships due to a fear of rejection. This fear can lead to missed opportunities for meaningful connections and a limited social circle. Additionally, existing friendships may suffer as the anxious individual constantly doubts themselves and their worthiness as a friend. They may second-guess their actions, overanalyze conversations, or become excessively clingy, ultimately straining the relationship and creating an imbalance. Over time, this anxiety can erode trust and create a barrier to open communication, impeding the growth and longevity of the friendship.

Recognizing and addressing friendship anxiety is important because if it is left to fester, it can greatly hinder healthy relationships. The first step is self-awareness. Acknowledge and understand your anxiety, recognizing that it is a common experience that can be managed. Seek support from trusted friends or family members who can provide a listening ear and offer reassurance. Maybe look into counseling or therapy for mental health treatment to address both the anxiety and the other feelings that can occur from the anxiety. Developing self-compassion and practicing self-care can also help reduce anxiety levels. Engaging in activities that promote relaxation, such as meditation or exercise, can be beneficial. Friendship anxiety can significantly impact relationships, leading to missed opportunities, strained connections, and decreased overall well-being. It is important to remember that anxiety is a common experience, and you are not alone in your struggles. By recognizing and addressing friendship anxiety, seeking support, and practicing self-care, it is possible to build and maintain meaningful connections. Embrace the journey of self-discovery, be patient with yourself, and remember that friendships are built on understanding, trust, and acceptance.

So lets look at some specific ways to handle friendship anxiety and some questions to ask ourselves about our experience with it.

Reflect on your Friendship Anxiety:

  • Take a moment to explore your own experiences with friendship anxiety. What are the specific fears or concerns that arise when it comes to forming or maintaining friendships? How has friendship anxiety affected your past or current relationships? Reflect on any patterns or triggers that contribute to your anxiety. Allow yourself to delve deep into your emotions and thoughts surrounding friendship anxiety, understanding its impact on your life.  Consider the idea that your brian is “lying” to you in regards to this anxiety, how does it feel to consider that and what implications does that have on what’s going on in your friendships?

Identifying Coping Skills:

  • Consider the strategies or techniques that have helped you navigate friendship anxiety in the past. What coping mechanisms or self-care practices have provided relief or a sense of calm? Are there any specific affirmations or positive self-talk that have helped counter negative thoughts or beliefs? Reflect on the people or resources that provide support and encouragement during times of friendship anxiety. What steps can you take to ensure you have a strong support system in place?

Cultivating Self-Compassion and Self-Care:

  • Friendship anxiety often stems from self-doubt and fear of judgment. Explore ways in which you can cultivate self-compassion and acceptance. How can you be kinder and more forgiving toward yourself when experiencing friendship anxiety? Are there self-care activities or self-reflection exercises that can help you build a stronger sense of self-worth? Consider how practicing self-compassion can positively impact your ability to form and maintain healthy friendships.

Setting Boundaries and Communication:

  • Reflect on your current approach to setting boundaries and communicating your needs within friendships. Are you comfortable expressing your feelings and concerns? How do you handle conflicts or disagreements? Explore ways in which you can improve your communication skills to alleviate friendship anxiety. Consider assertiveness techniques or strategies that can help you navigate challenging situations while maintaining the integrity of your relationships.

Seeking Growth Opportunities:

  • Friendship anxiety can hinder personal growth and limit social interactions. Identify areas where you feel comfortable stepping out of your comfort zone to foster new connections. How can you challenge yourself to engage in activities or join communities that align with your interests? Reflect on the potential benefits and growth opportunities that lie beyond your anxiety. Visualize the type of friendships you aspire to have and consider the steps you can take to make them a reality.

For additional thoughts on this concept, click HERE for a blog post on how to put a pause on those pesky automatic negative thoughts.

Ready to Risk it All in 2023?

Welcome to 2023! We have been living in such a duality the past few years, navigating between risking our health and safety vs risking our version of normal. And I don’t think anyone can say that they’ve enjoyed this version of risk, most people are over it. But remember back before the pandemic when we thought about taking risks? Maybe it was about applying for a new job, or moving to a new home, or starting a new relationship.  Or maybe it was as simple as reaching out to an old friend. Risk can be the idea of doing something scary, but within a controlled level of danger, such as riding roller coasters or watching scary movies that are sure to induce nightmares.  So let’s think about that concept for a moment. Riding a roller coaster can be scary, but it’s (for the most part) a controlled environment and so the risk of actually endangering yourself is pretty minimal. You get all the thrill of the risk, with the knowledge you’ll probably come out of the experience perfectly fine.

But what about real risks, ones that could impact your livelihood or your family’s? I want you to focus on the concept of risk in the same way we think about the concept of change. Specifically a change we have to do, for whatever reason. Making a change in our life, whether it’s a job, moving to a new home, starting or ending a relationship, reaching out to someone in a new way, or speaking up for ourselves in ways that are new to us, is all a risk.  Even being in therapy can be a risk, you have no idea what types of Jedi mind tricks I might try to pull (spoiler alert, absolutely none, I’m pretty up front about my therapeutic ways). 

Now take a moment to look at your life through a critical lens. I want you to focus on one thing in your life right now that you’ve been considering changing and pretend for a minute you already made the change, you’ve already taken the risk.  You already gave your boss that two weeks notice, or you told your roommate that you’re moving out.  Maybe you’re taking a pay cut for a job that allows you more freedom or you’ve decided to break up a friendship that became more draining than content.  Whatever it is, pretend you’ve already done the hard part, you’ve already taken the risk. What does your life look like now?  What is different in your life?  What is better or worse, or are things about the same just changed in a new direction? Take notice of how your mind feels in this “new” space, can you notice a change in the tension in your body?  You may actually feel more tense as you adjust to this new experience, or maybe you find yourself feeling less tense as you’ve lost something that was holding you back. 


Now look back on the past year and any changes you made, any actual risks you’ve already accomplished. Can you see some examples when outcomes were varied or maybe didn’t end up the way you would have wanted them to when you made choices?  Did your choices fully reflect who you are or were they made in a reactionary way rather than a deliberate way? Looking back, was the change you made worth it and will you make the same choice if faced with the same situation again? Can you see the stops you took to make the change and how it played out for you? Now, take a few moments to really experience what it would be like to make the next change you are thinking of for this year.  Keep that feeling in your brain, in an accessible place, whenever you start to doubt yourself or talk yourself out of making the change.  

Mindfully- Meredith

PS: Speaking of risks, I’ve had a few people recently reach out to me about therapy in NYC and I wanted to share this lovely therapist’s contact info. I am not licensed in NY so as much as I’d love to be able to continue to work with people who are moving from NJ to NY, I cannot. Here’s a resources for you if you happen to fall into that category.