You wake up Monday morning and look around at your house and realize that practically everyhign in your life is in need of your attention. The house is a mess after a busy weekend, the kids have a long week of activities ahead of you, the pantry is bare, and the pets look like they haven’t been groomed in a year. Whew, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed in this moment and allow that anxiety thought cycle to kick into gear.

pink background with the words you don't need to set yourself on fire in order to keep others warm, indicating self care and positive mental health

I know this is challenging, but right in that moment I’d like for you to think a little bit about embracing the idea of putting yourself first, embracing self-care, and creating an actual list of your own personal priorities in order to maintain your mental health. In a world that constantly demands our time and attention, it's easy to lose sight of our own needs and desires. We often find ourselves juggling multiple responsibilities and obligations, neglecting the most crucial aspect of our well-being: ourselves. However, giving yourself permission to choose yourself first is not selfish; it's an act of self-care and empowerment. By prioritizing your own needs, you are better equipped to serve others and lead a more fulfilling life.

Choosing yourself first means setting healthy boundaries and learning to say "no" when necessary. I feel like a broken record some days, but boundaries boundaries boundaries. It's about recognizing your limits and not overextending yourself to please others at the expense of your own mental and emotional well-being. It's about acknowledging that self-care is not a luxury but a necessity. Taking time to recharge, engage in activities you love, and invest in your personal growth is essential for maintaining balance and finding joy in your daily life.

When you give yourself permission to choose yourself first, you send a powerful message to yourself and those around you. You communicate that your needs and aspirations matter, and that you value your own happiness and fulfillment. By taking care of yourself, you become a role model for others, encouraging them to prioritize their own well-being too. Remember, self-care is not selfish; it's a transformative practice that allows you to show up as your best self in all aspects of your life.

So basically, giving yourself permission to choose yourself first is an act of self-love and empowerment. By prioritizing your own needs and desires, setting boundaries, and practicing self-care, you can lead a more balanced, joyful, and fulfilling life. Remember, you are deserving of the love and attention you give to others. Embrace the power of choosing yourself first, and watch as your life transforms for the better.

Reflect on a time when you prioritized someone else's needs over your own. How did it make you feel? Did you notice any negative impacts on your well-being? How could you have approached the situation differently to prioritize yourself without feeling guilty?

List three activities or practices that bring you joy and make you feel rejuvenated. How often do you engage in these activities? If you find yourself neglecting them, what barriers or beliefs are holding you back? How can you overcome those obstacles and make space for these joyful moments in your life?

Explore any fears or concerns you have about choosing yourself first. What are the underlying beliefs or societal expectations that contribute to these fears? How can you challenge those beliefs and reframe your perspective to embrace self-care as a necessary and beneficial practice?

Remember, journaling is a personal and introspective process. Take the time to reflect on these questions honestly and without judgment. Use this opportunity to gain insights about yourself and develop a lose plan to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

Welcome to 2023! We have been living in such a duality the past few years, navigating between risking our health and safety vs risking our version of normal. And I don’t think anyone can say that they’ve enjoyed this version of risk, most people are over it. But remember back before the pandemic when we thought about taking risks? Maybe it was about applying for a new job, or moving to a new home, or starting a new relationship. Or maybe it was as simple as reaching out to an old friend. Risk can be the idea of doing something scary, but within a controlled level of danger, such as riding roller coasters or watching scary movies that are sure to induce nightmares. So let’s think about that concept for a moment. Riding a roller coaster can be scary, but it’s (for the most part) a controlled environment and so the risk of actually endangering yourself is pretty minimal. You get all the thrill of the risk, with the knowledge you’ll probably come out of the experience perfectly fine.

White background with green watercolor drops and the Dalai Lama quote "Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk".

But what about real risks, ones that could impact your livelihood or your family’s? I want you to focus on the concept of risk in the same way we think about the concept of change. Specifically a change we have to do, for whatever reason. Making a change in our life, whether it’s a job, moving to a new home, starting or ending a relationship, reaching out to someone in a new way, or speaking up for ourselves in ways that are new to us, is all a risk. Even being in therapy can be a risk, you have no idea what types of Jedi mind tricks I might try to pull (spoiler alert, absolutely none, I’m pretty up front about my therapeutic ways).

Now take a moment to look at your life through a critical lens. I want you to focus on one thing in your life right now that you’ve been considering changing and pretend for a minute you already made the change, you’ve already taken the risk. You already gave your boss that two weeks notice, or you told your roommate that you’re moving out. Maybe you’re taking a pay cut for a job that allows you more freedom or you’ve decided to break up a friendship that became more draining than content. Whatever it is, pretend you’ve already done the hard part, you’ve already taken the risk. What does your life look like now? What is different in your life? What is better or worse, or are things about the same just changed in a new direction? Take notice of how your mind feels in this “new” space, can you notice a change in the tension in your body? You may actually feel more tense as you adjust to this new experience, or maybe you find yourself feeling less tense as you’ve lost something that was holding you back.

Now look back on the past year and any changes you made, any actual risks you’ve already accomplished. Can you see some examples when outcomes were varied or maybe didn’t end up the way you would have wanted them to when you made choices? Did your choices fully reflect who you are or were they made in a reactionary way rather than a deliberate way? Looking back, was the change you made worth it and will you make the same choice if faced with the same situation again? Can you see the stops you took to make the change and how it played out for you? Now, take a few moments to really experience what it would be like to make the next change you are thinking of for this year. Keep that feeling in your brain, in an accessible place, whenever you start to doubt yourself or talk yourself out of making the change.

Mindfully- Meredith

PS: Speaking of risks, I’ve had a few people recently reach out to me about therapy in NYC and I wanted to share this lovely therapist’s contact info. I am not licensed in NY so as much as I’d love to be able to continue to work with people who are moving from NJ to NY, I cannot. Here’s a resources for you if you happen to fall into that category.